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| "Thank you for calling 911. What is your emergency?" |
| | "I'm being murdered." |
| "Alright, and do you have insurance?" |
| | "Yes, I have Blue Gun Blue Shield." |
| "OK, we're not in their network anymore. Let me transfer you to an in-network emergency service provider." |
| | "Thanks. The last time someone almost killed me, I had a $30 co-pay." |
| "Thank you for calling Blue Gun Blue Shield. How can I help you?" |
| | "I'm being murdered." |
| "And do you have the HMO or PPO plan?" |
| | "Oh, I don't know, I did the paperwork so long ago." |
| "Well, we can look that up. What's your member ID number?" |
| | "I don't know. My wallet's upstairs with the intruder. I'm hiding in the basement, I can only get a signal right by the door, and my battery's about to die." |
| "OK, what's your name?" |
| | "Chris Jackson." |
| "And what's your Social Security Number?" |
| | "Do you really need that?" |
| "Yes, we do." |
| | "Well, it's 567-68-0515." |
| "And your favorite pet's name?" |
| | "Fluffy." |
| "OK, your member ID has been emailed to you." |
| | "And how am I supposed to get to my email?" |
| "Did you register for access to your account from your wireless device?" |
| | "No, I don't think so." |
| "Well, would you like to do that now? You'll continue to receive the same great service you've come to expect from Blue Gun Blue Shield, plus convenient 24/7 access to your account. You'll be able to get real-time updates of your plan from any web-enabled wireless device, and be eligible for special offers from our partners that may be of interest to you." |
| | "Well, if it's that or dying." |
| "OK, I've taken care of that for you. Is there anything else I can help you with today?" |
| | "Yes, THERE'S A PSYCHO IN MY HOUSE WITH A GUN!" |
| "Oh, right. Did your member ID come through yet?" |
| | "Yeah, it's here: 1IIOO0OO05S5." |
| "Hmmm. That's not showing up as a valid ID. Can you check it again?" |
| | "Oh wait, that fourth O should be a zero." |
| "Thank you Mr. Jackson, I'm seeing you here in the system. Now for this type of service, you'll need a referral from your primary care police officer." |
| | "What?" |
| "Yes, it's standard policy to minimize costs by eliminating unnecessary visits from a specialist. The service you're looking for has to be pre-approved." |
| | "When was I supposed to get it pre-approved? When he started shooting through the windows and I took a leisurely stroll to the basement, or when I was boarding up the door with one hand while calling for help with the other?" |
| "I don't know what to tell you, other than if it's not pre-approved, it won't be covered." |
| | "You know, Michael Moore was in town the other day, looking for people who've had trouble with their insurance companies. Has your CEO ever been in a film before?" |
| "One moment, please...OK sir, we've dispatched SWAT teams to your location. Thank you for calling Blue Gun Blue Shield." |
| | "The pleasure is all mine." |
 This is an example of what our lives could be like if we privatized the Police Department. Michael Moore's SiCKO, a documentary that castigates the health care industry in America, made the point that while many Americans are opposed to socialized medicine, a number of services are already socialized here, such as libraries, the Post Office, the Fire Department, and the Police Department. And despite some jokes about the Post Office, these entities are generally doing a fine job.
Consistent with Michael Moore's other films, SiCKO makes you feel ashamed to be an American while you're watching it, but then starts to fall apart when you think about it later. Like how Moore glorifies the Cuban medical system for treating the 9/11 rescue workers that couldn't get treated in the U.S. The only problem is that Cuba takes the 39th spot in the World Health Organization's ranking of health systems, behind the U.S. at 37th. Could it be that Cuba wanted to put on a good show for the cameras?
However, it's undeniable that the United States is the only developed country without universal health care. Things may not be as good in France, Britain, and Canada as Michael Moore would have us believe, but their socialized health systems are all ranked higher than our own. Why are we so afraid of having some aspects of our lives handled by the government? There are some things that just can't be effectively done any other way. Could we have defeated Hitler without a national military?
The complexity of the issue aside, all I'm saying is that we shouldn't instinctively dismiss the idea of socialized medicine for fear that giving in to it would make us retroactively lose the Cold War. In fact, universal health care would be a smaller step in that direction than Social Security. There are certain things that a civilized society needs to ensure that all its people have, and health care is a very basic need. If we can work out a system (or steal one from France) that would let us end all the hassles and conflicts of interest, take care of all our people, and still retain the things that make America great, then I'm all for it.
But the Police Department is fine the way it is.
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